I’m going start out by telling you that we are probably in the hardest time with 3 kids, simply because we have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 10 month old. So it’s probably at its most intense right now and will even out as they get older and start going to school!
I’m writing this because it’s a second post to my first one, Reasons To Have A Third Baby. I suggest reading this post first and then heading over to the other one.
And really, if you want to have a third baby? You SHOULD.
This was written not to scare you or make you not want to do it. It was written because I sure as hell wish someone would have been straight with me and said ‘listen, it’s crazy and f***** wild and in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM THE SAME OR EASIER THAN TWO!’
But I think as long as you understand that and are prepared for it, have that third baby.
So to get a better gist of what you are in for with 3 kids, here are my reasons to NOT have a third baby:
YOU ARE OUTNUMBERED
Yeah, this isn’t no joke. They all got sick last Christmas and there was a point where my oldest needed help because she was barfing, my middle was having a complete meltdown and the baby was screaming bloody murder. My husband and I looked at each other with helplessness and then just started laughing. Like, what are you supposed to do?
If you can’t laugh, I don’t know how you’ll get through the hard times. Take a step back, laugh and say ‘this too shall pass.’
You’re outnumbered in the sense that they can gang up on you. If they suddenly sense weakness and that they can wreak havoc cause you’re just too damn tired- good luck soldier. (although, this is hard with just two as well.)
YOU HAVE LESS TIME FOR EACH OF THEM
This one really, truly hits me. Right in the heart. There just isn’t as much time for each of them. But. You can make that time. It just takes some extra planning and will power from you.
And as they get older, they appreciate going out for a special coffee/hot chocolate date with you or your partner. Make a choice, make special time for each. This could be as little as 5 minutes a day of one on one time.
*update- As time goes on I’m starting to realized that you DON’T have to plan special dates to connect with each child individually. There are moments throughout the day that I’ve started calling the “in-between moments.” They’re the moments where a child asks you to help them find something and you pause what you’re doing immediately and grab their hand and help them find it.
They’re the moments when you launch a tickle attack spontaneously and just laugh together. The moments when you sit down for a “picnic” on the floor at snack time. The moments where you actually take note of one of your kids faces for the first time and think “wow, they are so beautiful.”
THE LEVEL OF CHAOS WITH A THIRD BABY IS INSANE
It won’t be like this every MINUTE but holy heck, it feels like it sometimes. A tantrum, snacks spilled or needed, water bottles filled up, breaking up fights between the older two and a baby attached to your hip.
Sometimes I’ve honestly questioned why I had kids.
But that makes me so sad every time because I realize that this isn’t my life forever.
One day, they won’t want you to get them snacks, they’ll be out of the house and the baby will be grown and not need you anymore.
It’s better when you try to embrace the chaos and just roll with it. Yeah, it’s crazy. But what’s life without a little crazy?
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BUSY BUT GET NOTHING DONE
The repetitiveness can be your undoing. Repeating the same things over and over. Picking up toys/clothes/crap from the floor only to turn around and have even more there than before. Getting drinks/snacks only to have them spilled to be gotten again. And then they’re spilled again. Telling your 3 year old where you’re going that day for the 15th time. Busting out your full on Batman voice and telling your kids to ‘GET YOUR SHOES ON’ for the thirtieth time in a row.
It’s enough to drive you mental!
So drop the expectations that it shouldn’t be that way.
It’s GONNA BE THAT WAY. For a LONG time! And it’s OKAY if you don’t love it, but accept it and try not to worry about it too much!
YOUR FAMILY BECOMES A CROWD WHEREVER YOU GO
This was weird to me. I’m a super introvert and so is my husband. And all of a sudden, our family was the center of attention simply because of the kids.
Don’t apologize for it. Embrace it!
A THIRD BABY IS MORE EXPENSIVE
You kind of gloss it over to yourself when you’re wanting a 3rd baby. Oh, it’ll be fine, it can’t be THAT much more, right?
It is that much more (especially as they get older), I’m so sorry to tell you that. And while I think it SUCKS that money is even a deciding factor in having another wonderful, sweet baby- this is the world we are living in.
That being said, there are so many positive ways to start living more intentionally, frugally and spending less on things we don’t need and more on things we DO (like babies, wink wink).
YOUR HOUSE WILL BE OVERRUN WITH CRAP
When you think about it, this makes sense. When there are 5 people in a house and 3 are kids, obviously there’s going to be more kids stuff than adult stuff.
Again, this won’t last forever. It can be harder some days than others but I’ll let you in on a secret- the only difference between ‘hard’ days and ‘good’ days is your mindset.
Which is actually pretty powerful! You have the ability to make things easy or hard on yourself.
So sometimes when I do the hopeless scan and I start ticking off all the negatives-
- I can’t even see the floor.
- No one but me ever does the laundry.
- Why can’t the kids put their frickin toys away?
- Why am I stepping on some unknown half rotten thing?
- It will take two hours of cleaning up crap just to CLEAN.
I say sometimes because there are times you are just gonna spiral negatively-BUT- sometimes, I start turning things around:
- We’re so lucky to be blessed with lots of good clothes to wear.
- My kids have toys that they play with and love.
- We have money to buy lots of healthy food and my kids are independent enough to grab a snack.
- Perhaps it’s time to lovingly declutter some things and make cleaning positive.
GOING PLACES WITH YOUR KIDS IS NOT FUN
No, it actually becomes completely insane. You will question doing anything if it’s just you. Grocery store? Heck no. Lunch date in the afternoon? You’re joking. Walk down the street? Nope.
Even going places with your partner or someone else to help is not fun anymore. You will be tossing kids back and forth, trying to keep up with demands for food/water and keeping the meltdowns at bay.
We recently took all of our kids to a wedding and it was the WORST. We played this game called ‘toss the screaming baby back and forth while trying to wrangle two other hooligans during wedding speeches’.
Later I asked myself, why did I expect anything different?
That was helpful. Think about where you are taking your kids and ask if it is kid appropriate. Sometimes it’s okay to leave them with a sitter, for your sake and theirs!
Make things easier on yourselves by having one parent stop for groceries alone or sign up for AmazonFresh (it’s 10.99/month right now for unlimited groceries delivered to your front DOOR. Sign me up!).
Don’t worry about not taking them to all kinds of events, it’s not going to kill them to stay home and some special grandparent or babysitter time.
IT’S DRAINING TO ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY, FOREVER BE WORRIED
But really, you’d feel that way with one child. With 3 it’s more intense and constant simply because there is no down time in between things to be worried about. One will have a cavity, one will be starting school, one won’t be eating properly, the list is really endless.
I look at it as being fortunate enough to even have had the blessing of being able to have three kids to begin with. Some people are rocked by infertility, miscarriages or god forbid, losing a child.
We are so lucky to be able to have hearts that are constantly full of love for our children.
So embrace the worry. You’re gonna be worried about them until you’re dead, whether it’s 1 kid, 3 kids or 10.
If you are considering a third baby, leave with this-
Kids propel you further in life than anything else. They teach you more about yourself than maybe you’d even care to know. It’s supposed to be us teaching them, but I wonder.
The years that are described above in this post are so heartbreakingly short. Sure, I have days where it’s downright awful and I wish for a moments solitude but I always eventually remember that my children have given me exponential growth. How can I repay them for that? They will grow up, spread their wings and leave you and your house far behind on their incredible life’s journey.
Have that third baby and soak up the time you are blessed with them, even if you’re ready to rip your hair out. Take a breath, be patient as often as you can and fill them up with love before they’re gone.
Check out the post that inspired this one, here.
Are you on the fence about adding another baby to your family? Let me know in the comments what you’ve decided, I’d love to hear from you❤
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