Reasons To Have That Third Baby (deciding to have a third child)
Should I Have a Third Baby?
The answer to that question is:
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It depends.
I know, that sucks. But it really, truly does. What is your home situation like? What is your financial situation? What is your mindset like?
All of those things are going to play a part in what you decide. Let’s dive in!
This is crazy:
Two out of three kids are away and it’s a rare moment of peace in our house. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for the chaos (’cause let me assure you, it IS chaos) of having a third baby.
Some days seem to be smoother than others and some the timing just seems to work out that I cannot get anything done. Like not even 2 minutes to pee without someone crying/yelling for me. And that’s hard. To feel like you have NO time for yourself, and, even at the end of the day when you think you can rest, the baby is up for her grumpy 2 hours so you are pacing and rocking and staring at your bed in almost tears.
But.
Like I said, those aren’t my days all the time. Sometimes the other two don’t fight much, they fill their water glasses without help, the baby sleeps for 3 hours and I manage to clean and squeeze a work out in.
Win!
What I’ve found is that because of this mix- on the days that ‘work out’ in my mind- I am SO appreciative of that. It feels like I won the lottery. So with all of that being said, here are my reasons to GO FOR IT and some that maybe you shouldn’t.
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YOU’RE ALREADY BUSY
Think about it girl! Your days are already kinda’ crazy, aren’t they? If your other two are younger than they are really crazy and if they are older I’m guessing you’re still driving to activities, making lunches and just getting through the day to day with children. It isn’t a walk in the park. So really, what’s one more?
Babies sleep during the day, they eat, they’re so squishy and cute. They smell heavenly and make you remember why you had a baby in the first place. And it truly is amazing to see my other children with the baby. We’re all in awe of her and holy smokes do they love trying to make her smile and laugh. It’s so heart warming to watch that!
YOU’LL REGRET IT IF YOU WANT TO AND DON’T
If you are reading this, I’m guessing you are trying to convince yourself to have another baby. Do you want to ‘wake up’ in ten years and question why on earth you didn’t? It’s over fast, mama. So fast.
You might be wondering:
Will I regret it if I don’t? I know that this is my last baby. And I am completely at peace with this. I know it in my bones, I know it in my soul. But I didn’t feel that way after my second. So think about what’s important to you and question if you are truly okay with not having another baby. Life is too short and babies are too important.
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TIME GOES SO FAST
Nothing speeds up time like having children. Never have I been so aware of how fast it slips by. When did my first baby grow into a hilarious, smart, beautiful child? One who can joke with me and reason for things? I’ll tell you something funny- this last baby wasn’t exactly on purpose. I know what you’re thinking… don’t you know stuff happens when you party naked?! Well, yes, but sometimes accidents still happen so be careful 😉
At first we were going mental:
- how could we have done this?
- we’re not prepared!
- another baby is going to be insane!
But when we finally calmed down we realized something- it’s gone in the blink of an eye. That baby grows incredibly fast. I feel like I had my son so recently and it was 2.5 years ago.
So:
Can you deal with crazy until your baby is past the toddler stage? It does get easier. So. Much. Easier. Before my 3rd baby was born, my husband and I were spending a lot of time together in the evenings after the other two were in bed and even before bedtime because they are old enough to play for long periods of time and entertain each other.
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IT IS NOTHING LIKE THE TRANSITION FROM 1 TO 2
When I brought my second home and my first was only just over two years old, I cried. SO MUCH CRYING. ALL THE TEARS. I felt like I was taking something away from her. Like I’d forced her to grow up too fast. Not enough time to spend with her anymore. How could I have done this to her? Obviously, I had also given her the gift of a beautiful friendship but it didn’t feel like it right away.
When I brought home my third, I did not cry. Well, I mean I did, but not for that reason. It was because my first and second are such fast friends that they entertain the heck out of each other. Seriously, it was like ‘oh, hey mom, new baby? Cool, we’re gonna play now.’ (My son did have some pretty epic tantrums but the newest baby is now a month old and I think that storm has already been weathered because things are smoothing out.)
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING
Ha, I mean somewhat. Does anyone really know what they’re doing? But you have a pretty good idea when it comes to parenting. You’re gonna feel pretty dang awesome when it’s time to bring the baby home and realize you’re not even worried about leaving the hospital. You know about swaddling and spit up doesn’t phase you. You know about sleep regression, teething and tantrums. You got this.
Now with all the positives out there, I’m going to come at you with some hard truths about having a third baby... Are you ready?
IT’S CHAOS ALL THE TIME
Someone will always need something. And I do mean always. Cups filled, butts wiped, toys opened, snacks gotten, spills cleaned up. It will never end. You will sit down for apprx. 1.5 seconds before getting up to do something for someone.
What kind of person are you? Do you thrive on chaos? Or can you at least deal with it? I commend you if you can, because I have a hard time with that. I worry constantly if I am cut out for this parenting thing.
But you get through it. And you realize that the good outweighs the bad and you love your tiny people to death and that’s that.
THEY GROW UP FAST
This is a whole new person you are adding to your family- they won’t be a tiny squidgy baby forever. They will grow (astonishingly quickly) into someone who has all sorts of needs and wants. It’s that much more food, activities
AND
IT MEANS MORE STUFF
The sheer amount and volume of THINGS that come in to your house from gifts. Birthdays, Christmas, surprise grandparent gifts- for 3 kids, it adds up.
IT’S BASICALLY 3X THE CHAOS IN ANY SITUATION
When you have more than one child and everyone gets sick, this can literally be hell on Earth. If they’re especially young and they’re all needing attention. Picture this- your oldest is crying and saying they need to barf, the middle one is screaming and having a tantrum and the baby is crying and needing to fed. It feels like those moments last forever, but really they don’t.
SHOULD I HAVE A THIRD CHILD?
There’s a few questions you can ask yourself before answering that question.
What is my home situation like?
Are things going okay with you and your partner? Do you feel like things are going well with your other kids? Or do you feel like you’re drowning?
If you feel like you’re drowning, can you fix it? What can you reasonably do to make your life better/easier?
Fix what is broken before adding more to your plate. (a 3rd baby is adding more… a LOT more.)
What is my financial situation?
It’s lame to think that money plays a part in creating a beautiful human but it’s also realistic. It’s another child to think about. They cost money. Can you feed another human? Can you afford to put another child in daycare if you need that?
If you don’t think you can afford it, what can you change in your life so that you CAN afford it?
Is there anything you could downsize (driving a used vehicle instead of new, eating out less often, being thrifty, etc.) so that having a third baby wasn’t a financial stress?
Be smart about what you are doing with your money.
What is my mindset like?
I think this is actually the most important thing you need to take a good hard look at. How are you feeling every day?
Maybe you’re not necessarily super HAPPY but your life feels MEANINGFUL. Those are 2 very different things.
HAPPINESS is about things that bring momentary positive emotions.
Feeling like your life is MEANINGFUL means that you are doing things because you know they’ll bring you happiness in the future or that everything you do pertains to something meaningful.
Don’t chase happiness- chase MEANING.
If you are stressed, anxious or frustrated most of your day, what can you do to CHANGE that? You are the only one who knows the answer to that.
Maybe it’s as simple as sending your kids to daycare twice a week for a break.
Maybe it means starting a business to bring in some money for yourself/the family.
Or maybe it’s making damn sure you see some friends every single weekend and remember who you are without kids.
Whatever it is, do it. It’s imperative for YOU and your KIDS. Because when you treat yourself like you love yourself, that love will spill over to your children.
BE REALISTIC BUT LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
Your kids will grow up. They will not need things gotten for them… They will not need you to play with them. Sometimes when I stop and catch my breath and just stare at how cute their little faces are I realize that I can make it. Those tiny hands will no longer reach for you. Their tiny tears will dry up and a special hug from mom might not be enough to help them get through it. Yes. I can make it. You can make it. It’s gone so fast. Embrace the chaos and the mess and the tears. If your heart yearns for another sweet baby… have that baby ❤
Please let me know what you decide to do in the comments!❤
I feel like you read all the thoughts in my head and heart. We did accidentally end pregnant with our third (currently) and I know that after this baby we are done. I wasn’t sure after the second but I am sure now. Thank you for the article.
Hey, thank you so much for the thoughtful comment! Life is so crazy hey? Enjoy your last baby and good luck!
Im so confused on deciding but you thoughts are encouraging and hillariously calming.My second child is 9 years old.I think I’ll go for it!! Thankyou!
Hey Priscilla!
I’m thrilled for you 🙂
Good luck momma ❤
I’m pregnant with my second child and if I didn’t have any issues with my heart, I would probably love to have a third one after this. Unfortunately, I’m not that lucky.
Sending love your way ❤ We are truly blessed to have been able to have 3. And I’m so happy you are able to have 2! Take care
Ugh ! You’re awesome . My life is chaotic now with just 2 (7yo and 6mo ) and we accidentally added our third and I was a bit skeptical but you had such great valid point ! currently 6weeks and some odd days !
Hey Katie,
first of all, congratulations! How exciting!
You are gonna do great, I’m so excited for you and your fam. Enjoy having another beautiful baby❤
This is a lovely blog and all of it so true. We never considered a third baby, but became pregnant. It turned out to be twins who are now 4 months. It really has been the best accidental addition to our family. 2 boys and 2 identical twin girls. All of them perfect! Watching the boys aged 9 & 3 with the babies melts my heart. They have learnt about empathy, compassion and selflessness. You are right. Our 3 year old grew up over night and life is AlWAYS chaos, but I feel so complete now. Thanks for sharing… lots of love for your family
It’s so funny how so many people end up with a surprise pregnancy ? Oh my, that would have been a shock! They were obviously meant to be here <3 That's so lovely to hear with your boys. Lots of love to your family as well
This article is literally my life in a nutshell ..lol..we too debated back and forth about a third child and then one day “accidentally” got pregnant..hehe..but I wouldn’t trade it for the world! My third baby is now 11 months old and can’t imagine our lives without her. Thank you for such an awesome read!
Sooo funny, I think if it hadn’t just happened for us, it may never have happened! So we’re happy it did! Can’t imagine life without our 3rd either. Awe, congrats on your fam <3
I feel like I am reading this a little early. I have an almost 3 year old and an almost 7 month old. People ask all the time if we will have another baby. I never really know what to say other then, we haven’t decided yet. Which I feel a little disappointed when I say that. I thought this feeling that am meant to have more babies was just me being hopeful. But hearing from you that you knew you would have more and that feeling went away when you had your 3rd makes me feel much better about wanting more. It’s not just me being hopeful.
I am not going to plan another pregnancy for a little while yet but my heart does rest easy knowing that this feeling is logical. Thank you for letting us know we aren’t alone.
Hey, I honestly teared up reading this! The intensity of wanting my second child was almost unbearable. With my 3rd, less so and she was kind of an accident! But after she was born, yes, we definitely knew our family was complete. Thank you so much for your comment, good luck with your family ❤
Just had our third baby in January. It’s so hectic and crazy. The hardest part is getting them in and out of the car! I went back to work last week and that has been hard because there is so much to juggle and do, there is literally NO free time. I’m exhausted. Most days go so fast that I can’t even believe it’s time for dinner. I love them all so much and the baby. Man, the baby is sooo sweet. And I also think if I wasn’t so OLD I would want a 4th! But there are times I yell at them, which I hate that I do. I feel like a failure but then I have a day when everyone is well behaved and we got to school on time and I feel like I’m the best mom in the world. Some days I feel like I cannot take anymore and then someone I find a two hour window of rest and I feel good again and I can keep going. I’m really glad we had the third. I wouldn’t trade the crazy/lack of sleep/alone time/quiet for anything.
Hey Jamie!
I honestly feel like you peeked into our life, it’s crazy! I wouldn’t trade it for anything either ❤ Sending so much love to you and your family. You’re doing a good job!
We were already pretty sure about having baby #3, but I find it pretty crazy that I’m up at 5am with baby #2 and I just happen to stumble across this blog.
Thank you for this!
I LOVE that! It was meant to be ❤ good luck!
Hi… I’m 11 weeks pregnant with my 3rd, my oldest is 20 and my little one will be 14 in July, this was a surprise buy deep in my heart I always wanted 3 kids. I have to start all over again, child proof my home, etc. Kids are really excited…my husband and I were shocked but we are excited.
Awe, I’m genuinely SO excited and happy for you! Good luck on your newest adventures!
I really really needed to see this. I have 2 kids. A5 year old daughter and 2 year old son. Honestly after my son I thought 2 is all I wanted. I had eclampsia with my daughter and we almost didn’t make it, and with my second he was 4 weeks early due to high blood pressure. When I look back on those memories they don’t haunt me, and I figured that would be the reason why I wanted to be done. In the last several months, my heart is yearning for one more. I feel like my family is t complete. My husband is not really there yet for a 3rd. So coming across this post has helped me and hopefully will help him. Thank you so much for sharing this!!!
I honestly got chills reading this. Raising our fierce little’s goes by quickly, too quickly and if you feel like that then it is meant to be. So much love to you ❤
Just recently found out I am expecting our 3rd (I hope) still haven’t gone to confirm and I feel beyond overwhelmed. My son is 4yrs and daughter is 2 1/2yrs Old. My spouse works a lot, so he’s gone most of the day. When we found out instead of being supportive he started whining on how hard things are and how much worse they’ll get if we have another. He doesn’t say directly, but he tells me everyday how hard things are & sometimes it feels like he’s alluding to terminate the pregnancy. This is something very conflicting for me, b/c that is something I had thought I’d dodged at 35yrs of age. I feel so stuck! We never wed, so I am without health insurance b/c his new job requires a wedding certificate to add me (supposedly). So with all the issues we’ve been having it doesn’t seem like he wants to get married. At this point I feel alone & extended Family isn’t helpful. However, reading your post has made me feel better & making me consider doing this all on my own. I know it won’t be easy, but I don’t want to live my life wondering what could’ve been of my little one. Anyway, here’s hoping for the best. Think I would be due July 2020. Right after my little girl turns 3 & my son will shortly be 5. So here’s praying the age helps.
Lucy ❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to share that. I would never want to sway you one way or the other, it’s YOUR life. However, I will tell you my third child is an absolute delight and we love her so much. Some days it’s hard with 3. For sure. There is no doubt that it will be hard with 3. BUT. It only lasts for such a short time. They grow and get independent so fast. Wishing you so much love and strength on your journey ❤
Currently 37 weeks with our 3rd! We have 2 boys who are 10 and 7 and this one is A girl! This one has been totally different. I don’t feel as nervous and I feel quite a bit more knowledgeable now. Can’t wait to meet our Baby girl ❤️
Hey Jessica, congrats!! So exciting. You got this ❤
I have 2 boys and we found out 2 days before my youngest turned 1, that we are oops having a 3rd in 9 months. I didn’t feel done after the 2nd and debated if I wanted a 3rd. Either way I wasn’t expecting to make the decision too soon. Well debate over, after all stages of denial and reading your view; I think I am ready for our upcoming adventure.
The denial is real! I’m so happy you are onto acceptance and excitement! Enjoy this next stage Leanne❤
Never have I read a truer word. Totally get your perspective on this… we went for number three (current ages 5, 3 and 11 months) and life is totally all consuming and relentless, this week in particular I have struggled. I just wanted to lock myself in a dark room and rock (if only I’d of had the time!)
But I keep reminding myself that it WILL get easier and that these days will one day be a distant memory, I know I’ll look back and wish I could be here amongst the chaos with my babies.
That said I know that this is the last time, I’m so done and my family complete! Only crazy people have 4!! (Not sure how my parents did it!)
Hey, Ria!
Oh, the ups and downs hey? The ups are amazing and the downs make you question why you are doing what you’re doing.
It does get easier!
Maybe I’m crazy cause sometimes I think of having a 4th ?
Good luck to you and your fam❤
My second is 10 months and I have baby fever like crazy! My husband doesn’t necessarily want more but I told him if #2 was another boy (which he was) that I would want to try for a 3rd. I thought I wanted to wait until #2 was 3ish, but I just don’t know. I’m scared to bring it up to my husband. Kinda just wanna have an “oopsie”. ?
Hey Emily!
The baby fever is legit ?
I’m not even sure what would have happened if our third hadn’t been a ‘whoops’, I’m so glad it happened that way. No more debating! But it was a mistake on both our parts, not just one lol make sure he’s on board!
Good luck to you and your fam ❤
You hit the nail on the head! I am currently pregnant with baby #3 and it was a complete surprise. My kids are 7 & 4 and seem excited about the baby but I worry about so many things. How will they adjust to the new baby, will I still give them enough attention? I know we will adjust, I just want it to be a smooth transition. 🙂
I know, it seems like ‘how will there be enough attention and time for everyone?’
Your older two will play together and you will make it work ❤
Sending love to you and your fam!
I have 15 month old twins and desperately want another baby but I don’t want to do the newborn shit again! It was horrendous but I do think it was worse than normal because I had two at once which is putting me off the third. I have severe endometriosis and need to make a decision soon as time is running out. I’m sending this to my hubby to read.
Hey Tegan! So sorry to hear about your endometriosis. Oh my goodness, now that you’ve done the newborn phase with 2 babies, one will be a walk in the park! (haha)
But seriously, it will seem a lot easier with just one!
Sending lots of love to you and your fam, good luck❤
Hey there! We just had our third baby in may and this struck a heart string. We had our son I’m 2014 and 5 months later my 2 1/2 niece came to live with us. We have adopted her as our own and when the time came to decide on having another or being complete with two my heart knew I had to have one more. I wasn’t at peace until my daughter was born And she’s perfect. There are so many hard days but I look back at how far we came and realize hey momma you already did this. You got this. Thank you for the insight on how you have handled 3. From our house to yours.
Hey Jenn,
This gave me goosebumps. The days are long but the years are short! It’s hard some days but totally worth it ❤ Thank you my friend.
I am pregnant with my third… n when I got to know about this I was too nervous to accept the fact. That’s bcz after having my second I thought I am done having babies.. That was a really hard time n now also when I am 7 months prego, i think of the future n it scares me sometime. Your post was a good support giver in my case. Thank u
Hey, I’m so happy this felt supportive for you! Once your 3rd is here, you’ll never imagine life without them ❤
I’m so happy this was supportive for you! You’ll never be able to imagine life without your 3rd baby once they are here. Good luck to you ❤
Thank you for your words.. Iam so depressed of having a third child. Iam 18 weeks pregnant and I still can’t accept the fact that every thing will be OK. Iam a university professor who needs sometime for my brain to think. I stopped working on my research after having my second child because I can’t manage my time with both of my children and I accidentally got pregnant.. Thinking of quitting my work, but I really can’t work in any other field.. Praying for being wrong
Hey Sarah!
YOU CAN DO IT.
It will be HARD.
But you CAN do it.
You’ve got to decide that you can and make it happen!
I’m a huge advocate for not getting lost in motherhood and pushing your dreams aside. If your work is something that lights up your soul and you need to do it, DO IT. Don’t shunt it to the side because of your kids. Use your kids as motivation to do what you love and show them that’s what they should strive for too! Don’t push your kids to the side either- it will take hard work to manage your time but I believe in you❤
At least we know with our kids too that it’s really only a few short years before they are so independent and going to school. That’s when you’ll have more time again. Hold on! You can make it ❤
Thank you for this! We just found out we’re having a surprise baby and we have 8 month old twins.. I needed this!
Awe, super big congratulations! It’s so intense when they’re small but boy do they grow up and get independent quickly… hang in there momma!
I have an almost 4 year old girl and an almost 2 year old boy. My husband said to me a few days ago he wanted a third, what’s one more? I had been thinking about it for about a week or so but didn’t say anything to my husband because he had been dead set on no more for the longest time. Really, what is one more? My only concern is where are we going to put the baby? We just moved last August and we have 3 bedrooms. Do we have them share a room? That’s my biggest concern. We aren’t moving again. We found our forever home. It’s been on my mind since he told me he wouldn’t mind if we have another- he says we always make things work – we’ll figure it out..after reading your article makes me want to just go for it- it goes way too fast. Thank you for sharing.
Awe, Emily, that makes my heart happy for you! We are also in a 3 bedroom- so far the older two (6 year old girl and 4 year old boy) are sharing a room. I think when my youngest daughter is old enough, the 2 girls will share a room and my son will get his own. So much love to you and your fam <3
I stumbled across this article as I have been feeling broody recently. I have two boys and after a discussion with my partner we have decided to try for baby 3 next summer. Thank you for the article it really put things into perspective.
Hey,
You’re so welcome! Life is short <3
Take care!
Me and my husband currently have 2 little boys together (3 and 1 next week). He always knew I wanted a big family and I adore being pregnant. The plan was to try for number 3 when littlest was at preschool but we think a ‘whoops’ has happened! I am so conflicted about how to feel. I know a million percent that I want another baby but right now wasn’t the plan and knowing that a third baby is probably our limit (because we also have 3 other older children from husbands first marriage) is making me really sad that the whole experience of being pregnant is going to be finished for me within the next year and it’s going to be so much harder while they are younger.
Your post has definitely helped so thank you, but still so unsure.
Hey Elphie-
First of all, congrats! And so much love to you and your fam.
You are going to be okay. Ask for help when you need it and embrace the craziness as much as you can <3
Take care!
Very funny and relatable blog!
I have a 3.5 yr old girl and a 7 week old boy…and it’s amazing how much more confident I am in my abilities with baby #2 than I was with baby #1. Hubby started asking about whether or not I’d want a 3rd…and honestly the thought scares me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle the chaos, I’m already 35 so what if there are complications – knowing I have two others at home who rely on me completely. I’ll probably let the thought marinate a little, I think I’m still riding on post partum hormones here LOL
Can I chime in? I am 37 yrs young this year, with a 14yr old and an 11 yr old. My S/O is 31 with no children of his own. I think you know where I am going with this. After 4 years together, he is ready to have a child and I am literally in anxiety over it.. I have friends range in age and some with kids, some without. My very good gf from Vegas had her first very healthy baby at 36. I don’t know if its more that I am concerned about the health risks more than looking like a nut job (to myself – eff what anyone else says cause they all love babies anyways) for having a baby with the 2 so close to being young adults. LOL what the heck? He hasn’t said we will separate if we don’t but honestly… I do not know if I can go thru with this. I’m also overweight by like 50 lbs already which I am trying HARD to bounce back from. So I don’t know. I would’ve loved to give him a child but that was SOOOOOOOO pre 2020 🙁 help! – SelfishMom
Hi Jenni,
I have two boys who are 4 and 6. After a miscarriage last fall, the drive for another baby was stronger than ever. I looked past the feeling that I waited too long and that my older children would not have a good relationship with another child so much younger, and that the new baby might never really fit in to our family. Eventually we tried again and I am pregnant and seems healthy so far.
But all of a sudden I am wondering what the heck did I do? Why did I even want this? We work so well as a little family of four and I can’t imagine messing things up. I did have an amazing time with each when they were newborns- never wanted it to end, but now I barely remember that feeling and can’t even feel that desire for the baby phase anymore.
I love calm and peace and not really into chaos. I don’t see myself as “mom of three.” Please if you have any encouragement, thanks!
Thank you, finally a positive yet realistic post about this!! I’ve seen so many that have scared me but here I am going to test next Monday and both excited and scared and scared to be excited. This helped me reach peace about my decision to have a third baby.
Hey Lena,
Thank you so much for this!! It’s wild and crazy but what isn’t? That’s life. It’s hard and it will never be magically easy, kids or not. I COMPLETELY understand being scared to be excited. One hundred percent. You have GOT this. And even on the days you feel like don’t got it- they will pass. Much love momma <3
By the time I have my 3rd my son will be 9 years and daughter will 7. I feel like I am changing their life quality. Why making their life adapt to a baby life, if I don’t have the baby I can spend all my time for their practices and activities, be there a when they need me.
Bu on the other hand, I think its a great joy and a biggest gift I can give to my kids. I wish the age difference was less so that the baby could adapt to their life more easily. I don’t even know how to feel.
Thank you. Thank you so much. I just suffered my 3rd miscarriage in 3years and I have had a few chemical pregnancies as well.. I have a beautiful 2yo and a wonderful 5mo. Even though this last pregnancy was VERY unexpected and so close to my last baby. We were surprisingly very happy for it. It made me happy to be having my 3rd and last baby. But when I lost it.. I was heartbroken and completely shattered. My husband has been asking if I want a 3rd. My heart says yes but my mind said no because of all the reasons listed above. But because of your advice and your last sentence I know 100% now that if I don’t try one more time for baby 3 I will regret it the rest of my life. So again thank you!
I love this and reading the comments and how things have worked out for everyone. I had just one sister and my husband had just one sister. I imagined two kids but after my second I have longed for a 3rd. My husband has no desire. I have been told to be patient, maybe he will come around someday. But it has been over 5 years and I’ll be 38 soon. I don’t think he will. It has caused a lot of pain in our marriage. I don’t understand why he won’t consider it. We have the financial resources and I have a flexible job and work from home. Maybe it is not meant to be.