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Reasons To Have That Third Baby (deciding to have a third child)

Reasons To Have That Third Baby (deciding to have a third child)

Should I Have a Third Baby?

The answer to that question is:

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It depends.

I know, that sucks. But it really, truly does. What is your home situation like? What is your financial situation? What is your mindset like?

All of those things are going to play a part in what you decide. Let’s dive in!

This is crazy:

Two out of three kids are away and it’s a rare moment of peace in our house. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for the chaos (’cause let me assure you, it IS chaos) of having a third baby.

Some days seem to be smoother than others and some the timing just seems to work out that I cannot get anything done. Like not even 2 minutes to pee without someone crying/yelling for me. And that’s hard. To feel like you have NO time for yourself, and, even at the end of the day when you think you can rest, the baby is up for her grumpy 2 hours so you are pacing and rocking and staring at your bed in almost tears.

But.

Like I said, those aren’t my days all the time. Sometimes the other two don’t fight much, they fill their water glasses without help, the baby sleeps for 3 hours and I manage to clean and squeeze a work out in. 

Win!

What I’ve found is that because of this mix- on the days that ‘work out’ in my mind- I am SO appreciative of that. It feels like I won the lottery. So with all of that being said, here are my reasons to GO FOR IT and some that maybe you shouldn’t.

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YOU’RE ALREADY BUSY

Think about it girl! Your days are already kinda’ crazy, aren’t they? If your other two are younger than they are really crazy and if they are older I’m guessing you’re still driving to activities, making lunches and just getting through the day to day with children. It isn’t a walk in the park. So really, what’s one more?

Babies sleep during the day, they eat, they’re so squishy and cute. They smell heavenly and make you remember why you had a baby in the first place. And it truly is amazing to see my other children with the baby. We’re all in awe of her and holy smokes do they love trying to make her smile and laugh. It’s so heart warming to watch that!

YOU’LL REGRET IT IF YOU WANT TO AND DON’T

If you are reading this, I’m guessing you are trying to convince yourself to have another baby. Do you want to ‘wake up’ in ten years and question why on earth you didn’t? It’s over fast, mama. So fast.

You might be wondering:

Will I regret it if I don’t? I know that this is my last baby. And I am completely at peace with this. I know it in my bones, I know it in my soul. But I didn’t feel that way after my second. So think about what’s important to you and question if you are truly okay with not having another baby. Life is too short and babies are too important.

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TIME GOES SO FAST

Nothing speeds up time like having children. Never have I been so aware of how fast it slips by. When did my first baby grow into a hilarious, smart, beautiful child? One who can joke with me and reason for things? I’ll tell you something funny- this last baby wasn’t exactly on purpose. I know what you’re thinking… don’t you know stuff happens when you party naked?! Well, yes, but sometimes accidents still happen so be careful 😉

At first we were going mental:

  • how could we have done this?
  • we’re not prepared!
  • another baby is going to be insane!

But when we finally calmed down we realized something- it’s gone in the blink of an eye. That baby grows incredibly fast.  I feel like I had my son so recently and it was 2.5 years ago.

So:

Can you deal with crazy until your baby is past the toddler stage? It does get easier. So. Much. Easier. Before my 3rd baby was born, my husband and I were spending a lot of time together in the evenings after the other two were in bed and even before bedtime because they are old enough to play for long periods of time and entertain each other.

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IT IS NOTHING LIKE THE TRANSITION FROM 1 TO 2

When I brought my second home and my first  was only just over two years old, I cried. SO MUCH CRYING. ALL THE TEARS. I felt like I was taking something away from her. Like I’d forced her to grow up too fast. Not enough time to spend with her anymore. How could I have done this to her? Obviously, I had also given her the gift of a beautiful friendship but it didn’t feel like it right away.

When I brought home my third, I did not cry. Well, I mean I did, but not for that reason. It was because my first and second are such fast friends that they entertain the heck out of each other. Seriously, it was like ‘oh, hey mom, new baby? Cool, we’re gonna play now.’ (My son did have some pretty epic tantrums but the newest baby is now a month old and I think that storm has already been weathered because things are smoothing out.)

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING 

Ha, I mean somewhat. Does anyone really know what they’re doing? But you have a pretty good idea when it comes to parenting. You’re gonna feel pretty dang awesome when it’s time to bring the baby home and realize you’re not even worried about leaving the hospital. You know about swaddling and spit up doesn’t phase you. You know about sleep regression, teething and tantrums. You got this.

Now with all the positives out there, I’m going to come at you with some hard truths about having a third baby... Are you ready?

IT’S CHAOS ALL THE TIME

Someone will always need something. And I do mean always. Cups filled, butts wiped, toys opened, snacks gotten, spills cleaned up. It will never end. You will sit down for apprx. 1.5 seconds before getting up to do something for someone.

What kind of person are you? Do you thrive on chaos? Or can you at least deal with it? I commend you if you can, because I have a hard time with that. I worry constantly if I am cut out for this parenting thing.

But you get through it. And you realize that the good outweighs the bad and you love your tiny people to death and that’s that.

THEY GROW UP FAST

This is a whole new person you are adding to your family- they won’t be a tiny squidgy baby forever. They will grow (astonishingly quickly) into someone who has all sorts of needs and wants. It’s that much more food, activities

AND

IT MEANS MORE STUFF

The sheer amount and volume of THINGS that come in to your house from gifts. Birthdays, Christmas, surprise grandparent gifts- for 3 kids, it adds up.

IT’S BASICALLY 3X THE CHAOS IN ANY SITUATION

When you have more than one child and everyone gets sick, this can literally be hell on Earth. If they’re especially young and they’re all needing attention. Picture this- your oldest is crying and saying they need to barf, the middle one is screaming and having a tantrum and the baby is crying and needing to fed. It feels like those moments last forever, but really they don’t.

SHOULD I HAVE A THIRD CHILD?

There’s a few questions you can ask yourself before answering that question.

What is my home situation like?

Are things going okay with you and your partner? Do you feel like things are going well with your other kids? Or do you feel like you’re drowning?

If you feel like you’re drowning, can you fix it? What can you reasonably do to make your life better/easier?

Fix what is broken before adding more to your plate. (a 3rd baby is adding more… a LOT more.)

What is my financial situation?

It’s lame to think that money plays a part in creating a beautiful human but it’s also realistic. It’s another child to think about. They cost money. Can you feed another human? Can you afford to put another child in daycare if you need that?

If you don’t think you can afford it, what can you change in your life so that you CAN afford it?

Is there anything you could downsize (driving a used vehicle instead of new, eating out less often, being thrifty, etc.) so that having a third baby wasn’t a financial stress?

Be smart about what you are doing with your money.

What is my mindset like?

I think this is actually the most important thing you need to take a good hard look at. How are you feeling every day?

Maybe you’re not necessarily super HAPPY but your life feels MEANINGFUL. Those are 2 very different things.

HAPPINESS is about things that bring momentary positive emotions.

Feeling like your life is MEANINGFUL means that you are doing things because you know they’ll bring you happiness in the future or that everything you do pertains to something meaningful.

Don’t chase happiness- chase MEANING.

If you are stressed, anxious or frustrated most of your day, what can you do to CHANGE that? You are the only one who knows the answer to that.

Maybe it’s as simple as sending your kids to daycare twice a week for a break.

Maybe it means starting a business to bring in some money for yourself/the family.

Or maybe it’s making damn sure you see some friends every single weekend and remember who you are without kids.

Whatever it is, do it. It’s imperative for YOU and your KIDS. Because when you treat yourself like you love yourself, that love will spill over to your children.

BE REALISTIC BUT LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

Your kids will grow up. They will not need things gotten for them… They will not need you to play with them. Sometimes when I stop and catch my breath and just stare at how cute their little faces are I realize that I can make it. Those tiny hands will no longer reach for you. Their tiny tears will dry up and a special hug from mom might not be enough to help them get through it. Yes. I can make it. You can make it. It’s gone so fast. Embrace the chaos and the mess and the tears. If your heart yearns for another sweet baby… have that baby ❤

Please let me know what you decide to do in the comments!❤

should i have a third child/should i have a third baby

More Content From The Mommyhood Club:

Luna

Tuesday 18th of January 2022

I love this and reading the comments and how things have worked out for everyone. I had just one sister and my husband had just one sister. I imagined two kids but after my second I have longed for a 3rd. My husband has no desire. I have been told to be patient, maybe he will come around someday. But it has been over 5 years and I'll be 38 soon. I don't think he will. It has caused a lot of pain in our marriage. I don't understand why he won't consider it. We have the financial resources and I have a flexible job and work from home. Maybe it is not meant to be.

Kayla

Wednesday 24th of February 2021

Thank you. Thank you so much. I just suffered my 3rd miscarriage in 3years and I have had a few chemical pregnancies as well.. I have a beautiful 2yo and a wonderful 5mo. Even though this last pregnancy was VERY unexpected and so close to my last baby. We were surprisingly very happy for it. It made me happy to be having my 3rd and last baby. But when I lost it.. I was heartbroken and completely shattered. My husband has been asking if I want a 3rd. My heart says yes but my mind said no because of all the reasons listed above. But because of your advice and your last sentence I know 100% now that if I don't try one more time for baby 3 I will regret it the rest of my life. So again thank you!

Alev Bakan

Sunday 17th of January 2021

By the time I have my 3rd my son will be 9 years and daughter will 7. I feel like I am changing their life quality. Why making their life adapt to a baby life, if I don't have the baby I can spend all my time for their practices and activities, be there a when they need me.

Bu on the other hand, I think its a great joy and a biggest gift I can give to my kids. I wish the age difference was less so that the baby could adapt to their life more easily. I don't even know how to feel.

Lena

Saturday 26th of December 2020

Thank you, finally a positive yet realistic post about this!! I've seen so many that have scared me but here I am going to test next Monday and both excited and scared and scared to be excited. This helped me reach peace about my decision to have a third baby.

Jenni Madsen

Saturday 26th of December 2020

Hey Lena,

Thank you so much for this!! It's wild and crazy but what isn't? That's life. It's hard and it will never be magically easy, kids or not. I COMPLETELY understand being scared to be excited. One hundred percent. You have GOT this. And even on the days you feel like don't got it- they will pass. Much love momma <3

Natalie

Monday 17th of August 2020

Hi Jenni,

I have two boys who are 4 and 6. After a miscarriage last fall, the drive for another baby was stronger than ever. I looked past the feeling that I waited too long and that my older children would not have a good relationship with another child so much younger, and that the new baby might never really fit in to our family. Eventually we tried again and I am pregnant and seems healthy so far.

But all of a sudden I am wondering what the heck did I do? Why did I even want this? We work so well as a little family of four and I can’t imagine messing things up. I did have an amazing time with each when they were newborns- never wanted it to end, but now I barely remember that feeling and can’t even feel that desire for the baby phase anymore.

I love calm and peace and not really into chaos. I don’t see myself as “mom of three.” Please if you have any encouragement, thanks!